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Stacy Sutphen

Stacy Sutphen – Confessions of a Child Abuse Survivor – ‘Ariel S’

October 8, 2011

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(WIDK by Staff Writer STACY SUTPHEN) – Child abuse comes in many forms, and it’s not always a stranger you need to worry about. Meet Ariel S, her letter will move you to tears and hopefully open your eyes to the horror so many children live with on a daily basis. This is why raising child abuse awareness is extremely important.

stacy sutphen

Child Abuse Prevention Advocate and WIDK Staff Writer Stacy Sutphen

“The minute you abuse a child you are condemning them to a life sentence. “ – Ariel S

“Dear Stacy and WIDK,

Just writing this letter is in a sense is overwhelming, and the thought of sending it terrifies me. Growing up in a small town it seemed that everyone knew everyone else’s business. To think if they only knew what I suffered on an “almost” daily basis.

Both of my parents worked at a factory, working long hours to provide a life for my brother, sister, and myself. My parents were loving, and they took great care of us. We struggled finically at times, one of the reasons I couldn’t go to daycare.

Instead they entrusted me to my grandfather, he was retired and loved to watch me. He never asked for money and would take me any time. To this day they still hold him in high respect. I was about four when he started watching me, at least from what little I remember.

And that’s when he starting to sexually abuse me. I remember very little and until I was thirteen I didn’t remember it at all.

And that’s when he starting to sexually abuse me. I remember very little and until I was thirteen I didn’t remember it at all. I remember crying and feeling ashamed, mostly I remember pain. I remember how sometimes he would make excuses to have me over when my grandmother was gone.

My brother, who is nine years older than me, and my sister—six years older than me, never spent half as much time with him as I did. My grandfather owned the house we lived in. He always told me not to tell because we would lose our home.

My parents always did the best they could to support us, and I don’t know if I thought I was helping or if just being so young I thought it was ok, but I never told. For five years almost daily he watched me. He would tell me when I was older he wanted to have a baby with me. By this time I had accepted him molesting me as a “normal” routine.

The pain soon left, I felt none anymore, not shame or sad. My mind would completely go blank and I would disappear mentally. I kept silent and soon I began to ignore any advances he made in private and the looks that use to make me cry no longer bothered me.

I was a shell of a person, as people say. I will not go into details of the abuse, I have been dealing with this for almost eight years, and to this day I can’t tell anyone the act committed against me. Not even my husband who I confide in whole-heartedly.

One day when I was nine or ten, I believe it was spring or summer; my sister came to get me because I had been gone all day. At my grandfathers we never knocked, just walked in. He was abusing me. But luckily for him, I stopped her in the hallway and started to leave. She asked why I looked scared and upset. My mind will not let me hear my response to her.

But I remember her grabbing my hand and taking me home, I remember crying in her bed. My father and mother went to talk to him. He lied and said that I had seen him in the shower and must have gotten the wrong idea. When they asked me if it was the truth, I agreed. I don’t know why. Maybe I was scared. Maybe I was confused.

I know I should have said something, but I loved my dad and that was his father, I couldn’t hurt my dad like that. And after that the memory of the abuse had slipped away into the deepest and darkest corners of my mind.

I didn’t remember it again until the next traumatic event involving my grandfather. He got lung cancer, and soon it spread. It was rapidly consuming him and within six months he went from a man who was full of life and weighed about 275 to being bed ridden and barely weight 100 lbs. He looked so defenseless.

Within that six month I started having flashbacks, and soon after they started I knew what he had done. On May 26th 2003, he took a turn for the worst, my father went over to be with my grandma, and we all got some time alone to say good-bye. He was in a coma type state but the doctor said he could hear us.

I leaned down to his ear and said, “I know what you did to me, and I hope you burn in hell.” 

I leaned down to his ear and said, “I know what you did to me, and I hope you burn in hell.” About twenty minutes later I watched him die, and I was happy. I enjoyed watching him die. I know that’s sick, and wrong, but it’s true.

After his funeral I swore I would keep the abuse secret from my father and grandma— grandfather has passed no need to damage his memory. My teen years were full of eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, and suicide attempts. I cut myself, I wrote poetry about dying.

The abuse had consumed me again, and now I only felt sadness. Although, I told a few of my closest friends, and my husband, I have kept the majority of the abuse a secret. I have not sought therapy or mental help beyond the fact my doctor had me committed after having my son for attempting suicide.

I spent five days in a mental health facility; I couldn’t see my son for his safety. It was horrible. I went to group therapy for a while, but it was full of housewives who had gotten DUI’s and HAD to be there. I wanted to talk to someone about something that meant something to me. Not about how not to drive drunk.

Only a few months ago I broke down and told my mother about the abuse, and I made her swear to NEVER tell my father. To this day I flash back; I go weeks where my husband can’t touch me without me crying. I won’t leave my son alone with anyone, and I hover over him. Every time I see a grandfather with a little girl, I break down.

When he molested me, he didn’t only take my innocence he took my happiness.

I’m twenty years old with a family. I have a wonderful life and I should be able to enjoy it. When he molested me, he didn’t only take my innocence he took my happiness. The thing people need to understand is abuse casts a shadow over your whole life. The minute you abuse a child you are condemning them to a life sentence. Now I’m working through a few different Child Advocacy Groups. Thank you for listening. “

Stacy Asencio-Sutphen is co-founder of Stop Abusing Your Children, an organization committed to raising child abuse awareness in communities by holding rallies, organizing fundraisers, launching a national “Stop Abusing Your Children!” campaign and producing public service announcements. Its mission is to encourage people to stand up against child abuse by reporting child abuse and saving a child’s life. Founded by Jeff Sutphen (host of Nickelodeon’s hit game show “BrainSurge” and ABC’s “101 Ways To Leave A Game Show”) and his wife Stacy Sutphen (Actress and Staff Writer for Wish I Didn’t Know).

 

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Stacy Sutphen – Raising Awareness: Learn About ERIN’S LAW

September 11, 2011

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(WIDK By Staff Writer STACY SUTPHEN) — The day I became a mom I never imagined I could feel so much love for another person – it was so surreal.

stacy sutphen

As I looked down at my precious daughter, this tiny 5 pound 14 ounce bundle of joy, my purpose from that day forward would be to love, care and protect her by all means necessary. I watched over her while she slept—who thought sleeping with one eye open was remotely possible, and I would gently touch her stomach to make sure she was still breathing, because nothing scared me more than Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (S.I.D.S).  As the weeks went by and hand sanitizer began to surface in every room for family and friends who came to visit, I finally felt comfortable taking a moment to myself during the day while she rested in her mosses basket next to me on the couch.

I reentered the Facebook world and began to read articles about vicious crimes against children posted by good friend Jennifer Badamo, who is a dedicated child advocate. And quickly a greater fear than S.I.D.S came over me. Protecting my child wasn’t just about making sure she received her vaccinations and attended her baby well care visits on schedule, it was also about protecting her from child predators/abusers. Not only do you have to keep an eye out for “strangers”, but child predators/abusers could also be a relative, a close friend, a nanny, babysitter and even your friendly neighborhood Spiderman (yes I know Spiderman is a fictional character, but I think you get the idea.)

When one becomes a parent for the first time, we receive advice on how to sleep and potty train your children from our friends, family, doctors and books. Aside from Oprah, how come no one ever offers advice on how to protect our children from child predators? Isn’t that just as important as teaching your children how to use the potty? In addition to Breastfeeding and Lamaze classes, shouldn’t hospitals make “How to Spot a Child Predator” class available to expecting parents? Do you realize that a majority of crimes against children are indeed preventable? And by becoming a proactive society and raising awareness we can possibly save millions of children’s lives? For a majority of people the subject of child abuse is very taboo. And for some, who suffered from abuse and have yet to seek help or admit this to anyone, I can understand why. But for the rest of us, openly discussing this topic will raise awareness and provide useful information that will help us protect children, and teach all children how to protect themselves.

Child advocate Erin Merryn (Author of Stolen Innocence and Living for Today) made it her mission in life to save as many children as she possibly can from the childhood she could not be saved from. Which is why she created the historical “Erin’s Law.” The intent of Erin’s Law is to mandate school districts to implement and educate students on sexual abuse, for the sole purpose of informing and protecting students from abuse. The school boards would of course have to adopt age appropriate curriculum on sexual abuse education to student’s grades pre-k through the 5th grade. Erin believes, as many of us do, that education in schools is an effective method for preventing children falling prey to abuse or keeping silent if it does occur. To date: Erin’s Law has been signed into law by Governor Pat Quinn on February 14, 2011 and Governor Jay Nixon of Missouri on July 14th 2011. To learn more about Erin Merryn, Erin’s law and how to get this law passed in your state please visit www.ErinMerryn.net.

If passed in all the states, Erin’s Laws would be our first step to becoming a “Proactive” society instead of a reactive one. While Erin’s Law won’t rid the world of Child Predators/Abusers, it will enable many to feel comfortable speaking up, so no child has to live in fear and in silence for the rest of their lives. Remember, it’s more than okay to talk about child abuse with your children, friends, family and neighbors because raising awareness is the key to preventing crimes against children.  Choose to be aware! As I mentioned above, a majority of crimes against children are preventable!

Parents, Baby sitters, Care Givers, Nanny’s and Guardians… please accompany young children when using public bathrooms (Please see child raped in Library bathroom. One of many stories) Please put down your smart phone and watch over them while they play at the park, swim in a community pool, play in front of their home or in the yard (Please see Breeann Rodriguez). Never let them walk to and from school alone or even go to the store (Please see Leiby Kletzky). A young child should be supervised at all times, because a child that is left alone could fall prey to a predator and never be seen again. And for parents with older children, I strongly suggest self-defense classes when children are of age to take them and reiterating the “No Talking To Strangers” rule, especially on social network sites. In fact parents it would be wise to only allow your children to use social network sites if you have access to their id and password. (See FBI Article regarding Predators and Social Network Sites)

Stacy Asencio-Sutphen is co-founder of Stop Abusing Your Children, an organization committed to raising child abuse awareness in communities by holding rallies, organizing fundraisers, launching a national “Stop Abusing Your Children!” campaign and producing public service announcements. Its mission is to encourage people to stand up against child abuse by reporting child abuse and saving a child’s life. Founded by Jeff Sutphen (host of Nickelodeon’s hit game show “BrainSurge” and ABC’s “101 Ways To Leave A Game Show”) and his wife Stacy Sutphen (Actress and Staff Writer for Wish I Didn’t Know).

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Stacy Sutphen – Confessions of a Child Abuse Survivor

July 9, 2011

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(WIDK By Staff Writer STACY SUTPHEN) — Each of us has read numerous child abuse stories— one is too many as far as I am concerned, and with each article we read, we as a civilization grow angrier and less tolerant. Which is why, in the Casey Anthony case, it’s no wonder why so many people are outraged with the outcome.

Stacy Sutphen

With that being said, I felt it necessary to share with the “Wish I Didn’t Know” readers a letter that I received from Deborah Ramos, a survivor of child abuse, one of our readers and a friend. I felt it was important for everyone to know and realize that with every child who dies at the hands of their abuser, another child miraculously survives, and lives on to carry with them the painful memories that not only weigh heavily on their hearts, but continues to torment them daily. And for so many of these survivors, the abuse never truly stopped because it still exists within them. Here is Deborah’s story.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Dear Stacy,

You know the saying. “God will not give you more than you can handle.” I believe that with everything I am. Here’s the thing: not everything is meant for you to handle on your own. See, because some burdens, some crosses are way, way too heavy to bear on your own. After almost four decades, I finally understand that I have to choose not to handle or attempt to heal myself of the shame and enduring pain of child abuse. And God knows I have tried. My psyche, always sensitive, began a pattern of breaking into boxes so I could endure words and blows from the mouth and hands of my mother. My mother herself had been abused (so the family grapevine said very quietly). My mother, the quintessential giver and Christian woman of grace and strength. And at the end of her life in October 2006, I firmly believed she was all of those things…but when I was growing up? Can’t say that. I won’t say that. Here’s what I will say: I have shards of glass embedded in my head and told no one until I was 30. This one instance, by far as much as I remember, the worst was when I was roughly six or seven years of age and clumsy, “stupid” little me (even now I feel the want to speak of this in the third person to distance myself but I won’t) went to the bathroom medicine cabinet to get a brush. The brush was stuck and I pulled it out. To my deep dismay, the mirror on the medicine cabinet broke into pieces and some fell on my head. And to my mother’s horror, I bled down my face after she hit me on my head repeatedly with her slipper. See, how dare I bleed and make her nauseous at the sight of it! She rinsed my head with water under the kitchen sink, angry and yelling at me while trying not to faint. Then she wrapped my head in a white sock soaked in peroxide, I believe, and sent me to my room. What gets me is that I was not the only one in my family that endured stuff like this. What saddens me no longer is the fact that to my sisters and brother I was the spoiled one. I didn’t get hit. I got parties almost every year for my birthday. I got to go to a private school. I took gymnastic lessons. I was never hit. Yeah right! I have the hardest times having interpersonal relationships. I’ve been diagnosed with almost every diagnosis under the sun, taken every medication they prescribed for naught. I’ve been institutionalized and homeless. I live my life like a shadow. Always giving but never believing I had the right to receive love.

After all of these years, part of me still yearns to be a good, Christian girl, totally pure and undefiled, always obeying, always dying to self to receive pardon for my sins. That was hammered into me. And now, in the midst of all the change and transformation I have worked so hard to have happen…I have a really, really hard time hearing those three words “I love you.” It’s like my ears are being covered. I can’t feel the embrace of love when offered, like I’m dead inside, no matter how true and strong the arms are. And yes, there have been times of sexual abuse in my life, but if I weren’t the butt of family jokes or the recipient of a strike by a cane or a pinch that broke my skin or the insistent despising of who I was as a child, as a young teen and at times a broken, young woman…I’d be able to receive what I so desperately want to give. If I had, had someone to go to without fear or shame. If it were just acknowledged that there indeed was a cause of all my past instability and breaking…no. That’s not true. When a child is abused, in order for that child to begin to heal he or she just can’t have an acknowledgement of “Oh. I’m so sorry that happens to you”. That is not even a Band-Aid on the child’s soul and spirit because the body does heal, yet holds within it words, memories that will carry into adulthood, IF the child makes it to adulthood. So God will not allow you to endure more than you can bear. Sometimes the burden can’t be carried. I wouldn’t live in constant shame and fear of being a burden to those I love and who I know somewhere deep within me, love me too— because, if I’m a burden I run. Even if my body is still there, I’m gone. And I struggle with that. I struggle throughout the day to see myself as lovable. Possibly wanted. Maybe understand that I am worth someone remembering my name. I don’t want to struggle anymore.

Stacy Asencio-Sutphen is co-founder of Stop Abusing Your Children, an organization committed to raising child abuse awareness in communities by holding rallies, organizing fundraisers, launching a national “Stop Abusing Your Children!” campaign and producing public service announcements. Its mission is to encourage people to stand up against child abuse by reporting child abuse and saving a child’s life. Founded by Jeff Sutphen (host of Nickelodeon’s hit game show “BrainSurge” and ABC’s upcoming “101 Ways To Leave A Game Show”) and his wife Stacy Sutphen (Actress and Staff Writer for Wish I Didn’t Know).

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Support Caylee’s Law

July 8, 2011

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(WIDK By Staff Writer STACY ASENCIO-SUTPHEN) — Good Samaritan Michelle Crowder, an Oklahoma woman who is a mother of two daughters, has started a Change.org petition and Facebook page to ask Congress to create Caylee’s Law, a law that would make it a federal offense and a felony for a parent, guardian or care giver to fail to report a child’s disappearance to law enforcement.

Caylee Anthony

And as of July 8th, 2011, Caylee’s Law has acquired over 600 thousand signatures in just three days. So far, four states  (New York, Florida, Oklahoma and West Virginia) have set the wheels in motion to enact this law. It is legislation that would charge parents and guardians and care givers with felony charges if they do not report a children missing within 24 hours.

So while Cindy writes her “fairy tale” novel and Casey Anthony writes letters to inmate pen pals – bragging about her celebration plans (buying sexy underwear,  getting a manicure and pedicure and having a shopping spree day at Target) once she is free, little Caylee’s memory will be honored by millions of wonderful souls who love and respect her more than her own flesh and blood. Little Caylee, like all of the other children we have lost to child abuse, will live on forever in our hearts.  So Cindy Anthony, isn’t this something you should be supporting and promoting as well? Or do we have to make you a juicy, T-bone steak of an offer to help get this law passed?

Please, if you haven’t already signed the petition please do so by clicking on this link.

Stacy Asencio-Sutphen is co-founder of Stop Abusing Your Children, an organization committed to raising child abuse awareness in communities by holding rallies, organizing fundraisers, launching a national “Stop Abusing Your Children!” campaign and producing public service announcements. Its mission is to encourage people to stand up against child abuse by reporting child abuse and saving a child’s life. Founded by Jeff Sutphen (host of Nickelodeon’s hit game show “BrainSurge” and ABC’s upcoming “101 Ways To Leave A Game Show”) and his wife Stacy Sutphen (Actress and Staff Writer for Wish I Didn’t Know).

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Living the ‘Good Life’ for 31 Days

July 6, 2011

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(WIDK By Staff Writer Stacy Asencio-Sutphen) – - For weeks and weeks, people like me have been glued to their television sets and live streams watching the case against Casey Marie Anthony unfold.

Casey Anthony smiles after hearing verdict

And while most believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that Casey is guilty, there are people out there who believe she is innocent.  And I’m sorry, that really doesn’t shock me at all. Why? Because so many people, whom I’d like to call “clear headed people,” walk around in “La La” land, without any knowledge of how much evil there really is in the world. For example: I have a very close friend who sat across from me over dinner and said “I think Casey Anthony is innocent because no mother would ever kill her child. It had to be the grandfather.” Well, my response to my friend was, “No mother would ever harm their child? My friend, what world are you living in? Need I remind you of Lashanda Armstrong, who after having a domestic dispute, drove her minivan, packed with her and her three children, into the Hudson river to drown?” Look, whether people want to face it or not, every day a child is murdered by the hands of someone that claims to love them, and are supposed to trust! And a majority is murdered by their own mother. So like I said “clear headed people” need to start paying attention and wake up, because every second of every day millions of children are victims of child abuse. And contrary to what Jose Baez would like you to believe, Casey Marie Anthony is not the victim here! People, the state of Florida, the Police Officers, FBI agents, Forensic Detectives, Roy Kronk, George Anthony, the Tooth Fairy and the Loch Ness Monster didn’t set her up, tamper with evidence and stage the recovery scene! The evidence points to Casey and Casey alone because she is beyond a shadow of a doubt guilty of murdering her precious little girl. So I ask you this, those of you who believe Casey Anthony is innocent, would an innocent woman not report her daughter missing for 31 days? Would an innocent woman lie to everyone for three years about a “Nanny” who never existed? Would an innocent and loving mother, whose daughter accidentally “drowned” in the family pool, not call 911? But instead “enjoy the good life -” clubbing with friends, shacking up with her new boyfriend, joining a hot body contest, throwing pizza parties and getting a tattoo – as if nothing has ever happened? Absolutely not!

Sadly, Casey Anthony received a not guilty verdict and I like others are outraged! However, regardless of the verdict,  I don’t think anyone on earth, accept for Casey “woe is me” Anthony, will ever truly know what happened to her daughter – the true victim in this case that many have forgotten! But, we do know exactly what happened to Caylee after she passed away. She was placed in several garbage bags, her face wrapped in duct tape, and thrown in a wooded, swampy area to rot and be feasted upon by wild animals. And in my opinion; an innocent, loving mother would never be able to rest comfortably in bed, on a soft pillow under clean sheets, knowing her daughter is dead and rotting away in a dirty swamp if she accidentally “drowned” in the pool. It’s time to take the blinders off and see this woman for what she really is. Guilty of murdering her daughter!  And she should pay the price for this hideous crime with her life. And the Jury who set her free should be ashamed of themselves because once again the justice system let another child victim down! Where is the justice for Caylee Marie Anthony?

Stacy Asencio-Sutphen is co-founder of Stop Abusing Your Children, an organization committed to raising child abuse awareness in communities by holding rallies, organizing fundraisers, launching a national “Stop Abusing Your Children!” campaign and producing public service announcements. Its mission is to encourage people to stand up against child abuse by reporting child abuse and saving a child’s life. Founded by Jeff Sutphen (host of Nickelodeon’s hit game show “BrainSurge” and ABC’s upcoming “101 Ways To Leave A Game Show”) and his wife Stacy Sutphen (Actress and Staff Writer for Wish I Didn’t Know).

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